In Memoriam

Today, I remembered that three years ago I had gotten the greatest news of my life. Yes in fact, I was pregnant again. Except this time I was carrying twins. It was the most shocking experience in my whole life. I asked the doctor repeatedly if he was sure, and he kept saying yes. To know that there were two lives inside me being created at once was just magical.

The sad part about this is that it was short lived. By April of 2006, there was only one twin who was alive the other had died. I found out that Charlie was still with me since I went to do a 4-D Ultrasound. It was heartbreaking! This was the first person I loved that passed away. Though I never saw my baby face to face, I knew the baby. I always had a notion that the baby was a girl. I called her Hannah, as I have always liked that name.

I never could mourn the death of my baby as it could make me lose Charlie. It was painful and hard not to cry as much as I wanted to, to scream, to anything. I was put on bedrest for the duration of my pregnacy and in the end I had a beautiful baby boy. There were people at the hospital on alert in case I went berzerk! My twin, my beautiful baby, though it has been three years now, I will never forget the baby who shook my world the hardest.

Right now we are all finally feeling better, no more colds, no runny noses, coughing, medicine and my throat is finally feeling better. It still hurts a bit, but it's finally getting better.

I have been thinking lately about my would be fifth child and whether to have him/her next year. The problem is my uterus since it's not as strong anymore, so I run the risk of bedrest again. I could be at high risk once more and the question is do I go for it? In my life, I have always wanted four children with me, I do have that in a way since I have been pregnant with four. I cannot imagine my life without my lovelies and their hearts and minds. I love kids and I am glad I have had the opportunity of being a mommy to three cutie pies.

Bruised Trachea

So I am at my mother's house yesterday and we were talking. As I am getting ready to leave her place and go home, I pull Charlie closer to me and as he comes next to my body his head hit my throat. I did not feel good and it started hurting a lot!

I couldn't swallow, talk and it was hurting to breathe. I went to Urgent Care by myself, and had a piece of paper with me to tell my story. The doctor scolded me for coming alone and then sent me to the ER to make sure I was ok. So they called Josh, cause I couldn't, and he picked me up and we went to the ER.

While we were in the ER waiting there was an incident with another patient that had us laughing. There was a lady there wanting to know when she would be seen and the nurse told her it would take awhile since some people did have emergencies and the medics that helped her come in didn't think her pain was. She got so mad and started going off and made a huge scene in the hospital. They called my name before her and we were hoping she wouldn't say anything since we arrived three hours after she did.

The doctor said I had a bruised trachea and that it would take 2-3 weeks to heal. We spent about an hour in the ER which is a record for us. When we were leaving the lady that made that scene was still sitting in the same spot. Needless to say Josh and I got out of there quickly.

That's my baby!

One thing that Josh and I have noticed lately is how protective Alan and Charlie are of their little baby sister. They are always looking out for her and express their love to her. It's cute because when I go and pick up the boys from school they come to her and say hello. Now, if their classmates want to look at the baby, Alan is always fending them off by saying "that's my baby." Charlie doesn't fend them off but will go and touch her head and block anyone else from touching her. It's really amazing the connection that they have. The boys faces can go from sad to happy once they see her and she can be crying but once she sees her brothers she reaches out to touch them and starts laughing. Melody is one lucky girl and I envy her for it. I am the eldest of three and did not have any siblings to love me as much as Alan and Charlie love her. My siblings and I do get along and love each other but it's really hard when you're the first. Sorry Alan!



Today I noticed that my children are growing so fast that I better not miss it. Alan and I went to a Kindergarten festival for the Long Beach Unified School District. Now we don't live in the district anymore but our school district doesn't have a festival to let parents be aware of the process for enrolling in school. Alan and I saw how we could help him get ready for kindergarten and some of the amazing new things he will learn.

I couldn't help but feel a bit of sadness as this is my first baby and he'll be five this year. He'll be starting kindergarten in a new school with kids he doesn't know. His friends are all going to a Long Beach school and hopefully we can all keep in touch as Alan really does cherish the friendships that he does have at his preschool. In two years, I'll be doing the exact same thing with Charlie and in four with Melody. It's so hard to see Melody and think that Alan was just like that and now he's growing up, talking, walking, and playing.

On a side note, this is one of my favorite Alan pictures. We got him this great outfit and he absolutely loves it. He wants to wear it all the time. He looks like he's ready for a date. Boy, am I going to hate that.