Happily Ever After

Getting married was one of the greatest days in my life. I married the man of my dreams and so I thought that the happily ever after was to come. After all, isn't that where the story ends? They lived happily ever after? Well, my journey as a married woman has taken a different direction than what I would've liked, but then where's the fun with that? Right.

Being the pill hater, yes I can take pills but do I do it willingly, no, I opted to get that lovely depo shot as my birth control. They said you will gain weight and lose hair. Well my hair is super thick so if I lost hair, I was sure no one would notice. Also I was weighing 90 lbs. at the time I got married and according to my mother I was grossly skinny, so what if I gained 20 lbs? 110 lbs. would make me look normal and not skinny.

So then I gained 50 lbs. within six months and I swear for every hair I lost I gained three instead. I was devastated. None of my clothes would fit and having to buy larger size clothes was excruciatingly painful. I gained weight like crazy and it wasn't due to overeating or not exercising it was because I chose a birth control method which went against my body in every single way. In 2003 I was weighing between 150-155 lbs. and decided to go on Atkins. I lost 30 lbs. and felt great. I would leave early to go to work, go to the gym and exercise and then go to work. I was working at Sony Pictures at the time and it was super hard to be extremely disciplined and not having any sugar. On Atkins you are supposed to introduce good sugars after two weeks, Josh and I didn't. We wanted to lose the weight and feel better. Josh had gained weight because I gained weight. Josh lost over 40 lbs and I lost 30 lbs.

Did I mention that the shot had caused me to have cysts in my ovaries, made my menstrual cycle wacko and made my chances of getting pregnant very slim? Oh it was horrible. I read that with Atkins it could reverse the cysts in the ovaries and some had gotten pregnant. So there were many reasons for doing Atkins. So, I did it and I got pregnant. Once I found out I was pregnant I quit Atkins. I needed carbs and good sugars. While pregnant I gained the correct amount of weight and lost it all once I had the baby. Slowly the weight came back and a bit more. I nursed and though it is supposed to help you lose weight, I think it kept me from gaining much more weight. After Alan was done nursing I got pregnant with Charlie and the same story happened and I had Melody.

I am at the point where Melody is almost done with the nursing and now it is time to regain myself. With the years that I have been married, my husband has been loving and supportive. He has never made weight an issue to come between us and I know that he too wants to lose the weight he has gained. We are starting to eat healthier and are starting on this exercise program P90X. Hopefully by doing this and accomplishing the weight loss, I can feel better about myself and not be so self-conscious. I hate looking in the mirror and I do not own a lot of clothes. I hate buying clothes that are a larger size and I'm tired of this. I do not like taking pictures and hate it when people take a picture of me. It is not me, it's someone else. In my dreams, I look at myself and it's the skinny me. I spent my twenties being overweight I do not want to spend the rest of my life like that. I want to be the hot and young sexy mom. So we'll see how this goes and I plan to stick to it and get the results I want. I don't want to be asked if I am pregnant and make people feel embarrassed by saying that I am not.

This is my time and I will lose a good amount of weight before I hit 30. I have to be disciplined and I want this badly. No more double chin and no more big clothes. It will be the greatest pleasure to get rid of them. No more puffy fingers and no more resizing my wedding rings.

My story can be sad but it can have a happy ending. So happily ever after, here I come.